John's Blog

Years from now, we are unlikely to remember the gifts we received today. But we will remember the feeling of being seen by a person who was generous enough to give something — kind words, time, a note, a donation, food, an item. And that feeling is priceless; it does not require money to create and lasts a lifetime when done right.

The great things in life take time, so plan. Sad is the shopper at Target looking for a Valentine’s Day card on February 14. Disappointing is the car in the Best Buy parking lot on December 24. Waiting until the last minute to make the best decision is just waiting until the last minute. No one wants that. People deserve more, including you.

Addressing what holds us back is scary. Easier to say instead, “I’ll deal with that later. Now is not a good time.”

The truth is that we are dealing with it, right now, whether we choose to believe it or not. And so is everyone around us. The coping manifests in how we talk, act, and operate in the world. What holds us back infects everything.

It’s scary to open Pandora’s box. But it’s less scary when we realize that we’ve been in the box this whole time.

Do immediately what you know you must do now.

Do today what will take you longer to do tomorrow.

Do tomorrow what will take you longer to do today.

And forgive yourself for not doing the things you know you will not do.

The identities we define ourselves by matter a lot. Whether they manifest in beliefs in our minds or in conversations with others, ask yourself whether the identity you choose is truthful.

For example, I am a writer. This identity is true, but it’s not because I write “well.” That part is just a story my ego cares about. I am a writer because I sit down, and I write. And that story serves me. It’s accurate, and it’s encouraging. It puts me on the hook in a way that is not debilitating because I can control the outcome. I determine if keys are pressed and words are typed. And if I write, then I am a writer.

But perfection and quality, the story alongside the identity, cannot always be controlled. So put aside the identity, “I’m a good writer.”

Quality is debilitating. Anyone can write one “good” sentence. But you’ll never be a writer without a lot of “bad” sentences being out there. That’s part of the process, it’s part of the identity. Almost none of us go undefeated. Even Muhammad Ali went 56-5. But in each of his five losses, he was still a boxer.

We shy away from identities because self-definition puts us on the hook. It’s the fear of putting ourselves in the arena. As a result, we either shun identities to protect our egos or delude ourselves into embracing identities that are not true. We either become the painter who shuns the label because we haven’t sold enough paintings to be a “successful painter.” Or we walk around calling ourselves singers, even though we don’t sing, or call ourselves businessmen, though we’re not in business.

Don’t hide behind an identity that isn’t truthful. And don’t shy away from an identity because you’re afraid. Criticism and setbacks will come. But if you embrace the identity and put yourself on the hook, you’ll be more resilient.

“I am there for my friends when they need me.”

“I am a writer.”

“I get back up when I fall down.”

I can control these identities.

So be precise, be accurate, be outcome-agnostic and process-focused. Stop hiding, have courage.

There’s something about being so close to completing a task that makes it so hard to finish. The last 1% of what we do carries 50% of the resistance. Steven Pressfield in The War of Art describes how, “resistance is most powerful at the finish line…It hits the panic button. It marshals one last assault and slams us with everything it’s got.”

I find this resistance in so many parts of my life. A quick list:

-Getting to bed late, knowing I should brush my teeth, but feeling the warmth of the sheets and not scrounging up the energy to get up.

-Entering the last room of the house to clean and speed-mopping aimlessly, missing 30% of the floor in a rush to finish.

-Writing a blog post and hitting publish instead of proofreading one more time like I know I should because I want the dopamine hit of being done.

There’s an adage in weightlifting that lifting is not about reps 1 through 9; it’s about rep 10. It’s about how we finish. This is where the growth and resistance live. Knowing that growth comes from moving with resistance is a game-changer. We can work this muscle by embracing resistance in things both big and small. If you are learning to run and decide to run for 20 minutes, know that minute 20 is going to be the hardest – embrace it. Don’t taper off. End as you began. The resistance you feel isn’t a sign that you should quit. It’s a sign that you’re doing it right.

So, start now. Put the shopping cart back when you’re done using it. Push in your chair when you leave a room. Hug your family members when you say goodbye. Finish strong.

Nike: “Just do it.” ––> Make it automatic.

Lays: “Betcha can’t eat just one.” ––> You will eat this entire bag. Choose your bag size accordingly.

McDonald’s: “I’m loving it.” ––> I’m loving it for now.

Apple: “Think different.” ––> Reflect alone.

California Milk Processing Board: “Got milk?” ––> Drink water.

1 framed picture = 100 cell phone photos

1 basketball game played = 25 NBA games watched

1 favorite hoodie = 7 hoodies worn weekly

1 close friend = 50 not-close friends

1 day with loved ones = 100 online purchases

1 minute of alone time = 15 minutes of arguing

1 hour of movement = 3 hours of alone time

1 second of crying = 5 two-hour movies

1 intentional moment = 1/0 unconscious days